I recognised myself again

Well I had 4 days pain free all in a row. It was AMAZING. I actually recognised myself, or who I am when I am not in pain. I was able to deal with the kids without yelling at them, I did not plan my day around getting home as soon as possible incase I got the stage where I don't think I can support myself for 1 minute longer.

I cannot tell you how heavenly those few days have been and what a relief to know that "I" am still in there under the mask of pain and limitation. It has given me such a boost to my morale and ability to cope.

I have regressed to pain again today, but that is okay. I know that I can have pain free days again. It was just sooooo nice to be me, I actually like me and think I should be able to keep it up for a little while longer until I am ground down again to becoming the grump in the bed with zero tollerance and no sense of humour.

I did also get a great book by Paul McKenna that I think I mentioned before. That has also helped me to change my focus a little and to think from a different angle and become happier in myself. We have soooo many stresses going on in our lives at the moment, that it is a miracle I have been able to think positively at all. Seeing as my body is not willing to be trained to do what I want again, I can at least work on training my mind to keep me going forward.

Anyway I am going to take it easy tonight, get to bed early after a hot bath and PRAY that tomorrow I can be given the gift of another pain free day. I even got myself a girlie movie to watch tonight so I can relax.

I am watching Eat Pray Love. I saw it at the movies when it came out with my girlfriends and loved it. I am one of the very FEW people that seemed to have loved the book and the movie. My husband keeps telling me I am almost completely alone in the world for appreciating it and that all the reviews talked of a self absorbed and depressing overly emotional female writing her personal crap and then Julia Roberts is a naff actress in a naff film. But I did not find it depressing at all, I found it liberating and wish soooo much that I could also be as self absorbed enough to just get up and go travelling like she did to get the crap out of her system. If only I could be sure a year of travelling around could take away my pain, I would be the happiest person in the world. I have to admit that I like Julia Roberts too, I think I might be alone in that too.

I would go to Mongolia, Cuba, Bolivia and Italy. I lived in Rome for 4 years when I was a teenager and I don't think I could ever get bored of Italy it is so beautiful.

I continue to hope and dream. I am determined to not loose "me" again and to get myself to a point where the possibility of travel could become a reality for me.

On another positive point I lost 3kgs this month just from walking and swimming everyday. Amazing what exercise can do for you. I actually have a waist again - yeay!!!