I continue to do well. I am having less and less pain. I did the usual mistake I make and thought I am feeling good so I will start to cut down my meds. Of course the next day I was hobbling around. I never learn, once you have got yourself to a manageble state it does not mean you are well, it means that the dosage of the meds has been reached and so you can live comfortably. But I HATE meds and I desperately want to get off them.
I saw my Doctor yesterday and when I asked what longterm solution was availbale to me, she gave me another prescription for a much harsher pain killer and said start on these on small doses and when you have been on them for about a month we will up to the normal dosage.
NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - this is NOT what I want to do at all. I dutifully brought the meds home with no intention of starting them until I am in enough pain to make me.
MY long term strategy is to build up my muscles, do stretching exercises and relaxation (ie meditation) and see if I can help myself.
I am booked into a special back class for the next 8 weeks with my physio and I am seeing an accupuncturist to help me with the pain. Both I which I find helps alot, but I am looking for a cure, I am looking to feel "normal" again. As far as I am concerned I am only half way through my life, I don't want to spend the next 40+ years in pain and limited and I am going to try everything I can to help myself. I know your body cannot heal when in pain, so I am using medication to keep the pain at bay whilst I concentrate on getting strong. I have the full intention of being well and pain free by the end of the year. I think I can do it, I am hoping my mind is also managing to convince my body that this is true too.
My husband is finally home for the weekend only and then off he goes again, but I am going to use this weekend to take a bit of a rest and recover again, before going back into lone parent and lone farmer mode all over again.
Can't wait for the weekend! Can't wait to have my hubby home for a chat and a cuddle. Just to have some support around and it is not just me holding the fort makes such a difference. I admire any single parent out there that is shouldering the burdens of raising a family alone, especially if they are sick too.
dear friend... easy does it on your "full intention of being well and pain free by the end of the year." Sounds like a bear trap to me.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to be a killjoy and rain on your parade. I just want you to be successful in your determinations. With the type of spinal issues you are dealing with that is a huge goal even for a Masters' lil grasshopper.
Realistically only kids in their twenties can achieve that type of miracle recovery. I think those days are long behind us. Unless you've been a grasshopper by training since birth ;)
You have real good goals and strategies. You have a very strong mental drive I can tell. ..... but easy does it. Otherwise it could take way longer to feel "normal" again and in the end. Trust me. Some acceptance goes a long way. Just don't set yourself up for a big depression sweetie. Been there and done that.
Hope you and hubby have a wonderful weekend!