Gratitude and Energy

Every morning I roll over and listen to my body, I slowly start the rolling out of bed process and am overwhelmed with gratitude - today I am pain free.

We go out and about and acheive all our tasks on the farm and then out for some fun stuff to keep the kids (therefore ME) sane. I do what I do everyday, begrudgingly, pack swimmers and towels, as no matter where we end up and at what time, at some stage today my hydrotherapy exercises HAVE to be done. If I want to still be walking in the afternoon, if I don't want to see the anger and disappointment on hubbys face later, when he dutifully checks if I have done my programme today, then the pool is not the stop that gets put off any more, something else goes to the back of the list instead. I pray that one day I pack my swimmers because I am just sooo excited to be exercising today!

Then the day is drawing to an end, and cooking must be done for dinners, and this is where ALL my energy comes into play. This is usually my pain time. Anytime from 2pm onwards we could hit rock bottom. Today is that day where the pain creeps in till it forces me into bed. Having to cook in spurts for the 1 or 2 mins I can keep on my feet. All the time praying for the phone to ring to let me know he is on the way home, that I will be rescued soon to retreat to bed whilst he wearily takes over my duties and does the story telling, the snuggling in and kisses. It takes not just physical energy to keep me going, but mental and emotional too. I lie here relieved on the one hand and disappointed and over it on the other hand. Wracking my brain with schemes to fund my disability, manage my disability, over come my disability, cure my pain, become free and independant and FUN again.

There is always tomorrow, maybe tomorrow I will get a full 24hours of freedom and joy. But still I am happy, I had fun with my kids today and I have a loving husband and the pain cannot take that from me.